Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
