apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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