The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
