How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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