I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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