respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this hospital has no fireball
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
