I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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