she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
