I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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