you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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