Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
