I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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