Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
