When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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