I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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