you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
