OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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