how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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