Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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