So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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