Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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