exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
