In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
