I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
