she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
