if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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