my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
