but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
