So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
