Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
