She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
