omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
