You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize