chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
