Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need help removing her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
