id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
