Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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