he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
