Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
