Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i have two assholes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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