Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
