just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
