I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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