i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
