i just made my gag reflex go away.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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