overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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