Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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