hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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