My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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