He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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