he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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