our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
