Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
