Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
