I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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