I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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