dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
