I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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