yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
