I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
