i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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