just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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