Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
