We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I forgot how hot balto sounded
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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