We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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