What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
