It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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