these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
