grandma shit on top of the toilet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
