Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
