Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
