im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
