my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
