Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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