Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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