All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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