I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
