I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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