There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize