Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
