do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude. I can hear the air.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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