WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
